Thursday, November 29, 2007

Holy Mother of God. I almost hyperventilated when I saw this one. Mz. Alitza Fashion Forward trends, I bow to you. This atheist Jew will even say Aleiluyah and God bless you too. This is without a doubt the most amazing circle skirt I have ever seen.
Just look at this felt circle skirt printed with photorealistic images of Indian temple carvings. The ebayer lists them as Thai or Indonesian and she could be right. I am hard pressed to establish the story. Someone is stringing a bow, someone is sitting under a tree. No one has any particular symbol, like Krishna's peacock feather, or Shiva's cresent moon and river Ganga. Could it be Ram and Sita and the contest of the bow? Is that Buddha under the Boddhi tree? Some other story I don't know jack about? I'm not sure. Maybe it's Angor Wat. All these details are great. The elaborate headdresses and deep sculptural leaves. But what I love most about this print is that is felt made to look like stone.
With a 25" waist, no stuffed Samsara can squeeze into it. Go get it! And wear it with something dressy the way Mz. Alitza Fashion Forward Trends shows it on the mannequin (if you buy it now, she'll throw in the top). For the love of god, get a crinoline and wear it like you mean it. Wear it to the opera. Wear it on New Years Eve as you dance on the bar at your favorite watering hole. Wear it to the Indonesian consulate for a Walang Kulit performance. And maybe a dark handsome stranger will tell you exactly what story it illustrates.

Will heaven look like an Egyptian novelty print?

This one is live, goslings, live. Bidding will close in 12 hours. Elaborately detailed Egyptian print, based, I think, on items in the Met's permanent collection. Cobras, bald scholars and dancing dames. Surprising red white and blue colorway. I like that the blue is actually navy and that the red evokes South Western clay more than tomatos. Sized large (B43, W42, H44), and it zips up the front. I'd be tempted to add a scarab beetle pendant as a zipper pull. And now the show stopper: it's skorts!

As you well know, I love the faux, the feignt, and the frippery. I love a sewn-in pocketsquare, a false front, a dickie, a peblum, and attached belts that serve no purpose at all. And shorts masquerading as a skirt, that gets my heart pounding.

I have a weakness for one piece skorts emsembles. Even though they are inconvenient, like leotards, reducing one to near nudity in public bathrooms just to pee. But with the front zip, this one is a little more amenable. But in a cotton-rayon blend you might not be able to wear this one over tights without a static cling episode. This is a warm weather skort.

Walking the streets of my city in 30 degree weather, I see young women bare-legged and shivering. Now I would like to see the bare-leg and mini-skirt trend remain in Southern California where it belongs. Normally this infuriates me. Yet another example of women endangering their health for a stupid trend. But this time, rather than condemn these young things suffering for fashion, I looked into my own heart.

In all truth, goslings, I wasn't wearing tights either. I had on a pair of black silk pajama pants (embossed with Chinese symbols for double happiness) over legwarmers tucked into a pair of 80s vintage boots beneath a full-skirted 50s dress. Why? Because I find tights, stockings and pantyhose unbearable. Binding in the waist, toes trapped and too much unbreathable synthetic fabric. Leggings are alright at times, at least to toes can breathe a bit. And I thought, it makes sense that my solution to the problem is to put on more clothes, but that for others, it's to wear less.

Perhaps tights, stockings and pantyhose have disappointed and betrayed us all. Static cling, runs in the stockings, double panty line around the waist (or double muffin top). The squiggley seam that runs down the belly looking like a nasty surgery scar, or a line of mustard on a hot dog. The way some opague tights get sheer and discolored around the widest part of your thighs making your legs look like cheap balloons. The way they don't survive the washing machine. And hand-washing? Please, how many women do you know have time for that? And quite frankly that lack of breathability (despite the cotton crotch the size of a nickel) is just a yeast infection waiting to happen. There, I said it! I guess this will be my most bodily post yet.

Maybe leg-covering technology is about to evolve. I remember a time when it was suddenly unacceptable to have visible deodorant residue, but the clear deodorant was not yet available to counteract this. Before that, if memory serves, damn that Alzheimers, we all had white goop under our arms. (As an aside, sotto voce: Now the debate about whether or not deodorant causes Alzheimers is still on. But surely applying aluminum to your skin can't be good for you. On the other hand, the pugent smells of anarchists and now Brooklyn hipster boys--yes I mena that in the pegoritive--I don't enjoy being down-wind of that.) Who knows? But on the other hand, clothing hasn't evolved much, and women's clothing seems to exist in a vortex of sex and subjugation. Why oh why do straight women now wear drag queen skyscraper heels? Why? I went into 9 West recently to find nothing besides 7 inch stilletos that even Flotilla de Barge wouldn't wear on stage. Oh the femininity.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Meow. This lovely lion blouse in pure silk totally cheered me up one dismal day, not too long ago. Just look at the polka dots on the bodies of these little lions. I love the halo effect of the manes and the verticle lines that evoke the bars of a cage. Look at those active tufts on the end of their tails, and the fierce but cute expressions on their faces.

Alas, I was too weary even to share this with you, goslings. I was just putting one foot in front of the other. Unfortunately this one sold some time ago.

I tell you, 2007 has been one crapola of a year. I am counting the minutes until it's done.

If this post was one of those dreaded Xmas letters, I would point out that 2007 was an amazing year for injuries. In June, I had a concussion, and how I've pulled, and perhaps torn, my left hamstring.

At least I've accomplished something.