It is with breathless excitement that I blog this morning. Goslings, I have at last acquired one of my holy grails. I am now the proud owner of a Vested Gentress frock. Not this one pictured above. The dog and argumentative bird screen printed in green on a yellow cotton/poly blend shift dress could be yours. It's a size 12 (B38, W34, H42). Go get it. It would look adorable on you.

Mine looks more like this. It's hard to see in this photo, but ladybugs perambulate among the roses. This one is available for $65 from Alitza's Fashion Forward Trends. It is on the large side (B40, W36, H40) and appears to be in excellent condition. Another dress (whose photo alas cannot be copied) shows ladybugs in clover and is going for $89.

Mine was a steal at $17.95. True, it needs a little love. Some of the seams need a stitch here and there, and a belt loop has come loose, but it fits me nicely with breathing room to accommodate my passions for pasta and tiramisu, along with gratuitous frugging.

Did I mention that all Vested Gentress frocks are marvelously lined? That's right, you could stand in the glare of klieg lights with the flash bulbs of paparazzi exploding all around you and your Vested Gentress would remain opaque. The lining tends to make the dresses a bit heavy and stiff, but that is the beauty of them. Wouldn't it be great if my Vested Gentress was also bullet-proof?

I just knew there was something stunning awaiting me at Beacon's Closet last night. Though my instincts for everything else are generally wrong, I can still hear the secret murmurings of vintage items.

Goslings, I am living proof that a person can fuck up her entire life and still be basically okay. Really. I've broken my own heart, bankrupted myself producing theater that no one sees, gotten hopelessly stuck in a dead end job with a profoundly low level career path, and lived 10 years in an apartment with intermittent carbon monoxide leaks. Everything I sacrificed and struggled to do has turned to shit. The audience never showed up. I got bad reviews, or even worse, no reviews at all. But here's the hilarious part: all the things I gave up, minimized or ignored have prospered without me.

Maybe I am box office poison. Now if only I were wearing an evening gown and had a rose garden to destroy. (Christina, bring me the axe!)

But in spite of all that, I still enjoy toasted bagels and green tea. I walk in the park on Sundays. I strum my ukulele. Though I am getting long in the tooth, I still tread the boards in greasepaint. And sometimes on a rainy night I buy a new frock. Afterwards I eat a falafel and watch Lebanese music videos.

Lonely, without success, without bourgeois respectability, without a future, without money in the bank, still there can be contentment, amour propre, and even delight. To quote Ishtar: "It takes guts to have nothing at your age."

Goslings, I leave you with this Vested Gentress lovely. At $125, it's something to strive for. And it's a Don Quixote dress.