Happiness is a warm gun. Pull the trigger for three different settings to blow dry your hair. I’d love to hold this to my head every morning. And the old-time western design of the gun only makes it more whimsical. But alas, I can’t actually blow dry my hair; it just makes the Jew ‘fro bigger and angrier. But in the movie version of my life, (a musical, of course, in which I am a spy with a camera hidden in my cocktail ring and ninja-styled action involving dresses that match the wall paper, or blend in with the vegetables at the farmers’ market) this novelty blow dryer would be something of a running gag: people would be threatened with it, various characters would point it at others or hold it to their own heads. Finally it would be thrown into an overflowing bubble bath to kill the villain.